reporter Alex Williams, who argues in his article "The End of Courtship?I'm lured in by these trend pieces and their sexy headlines and consistently let down by their conclusions about my generation's moral depravity, narcissism, and distaste for true love. Instead, I armed myself with a blasé smile and answered, "Just text me to let me know what's up. " Sure, I wanted a plan for when we were supposed to hang out but felt I needed to meet Nate on his level of vagueness. to ask "What's up" (no question mark — that would seem too desperate). When I saw him in class, he glanced away whenever we made eye contact. Instead, he said that he thought I was "really attractive and bright" but he just hadn't been interested in dating me. So to avoid seeming or any of the related stereotypes commonly pegged on women, I followed Nate's immature lead: I walked away to get a beer and dance with my friends. This anecdote sums up a pattern I have experienced, observed, and heard about from almost all my college-age friends.We're all trying so hard not to care, and nobody's benefiting.
In the words of a fellow Harvard girl, "These dweeby Harvard dudes are picking from a group of awesome women.
This creates a sense of competition, making it so that women often go further sexually than they're comfortable with because, you know, 'He could've had anyone.'" My friends on other campuses around the country, especially ones where women outnumber men, agree that guys seem to hold the dating power.
Between 20, New York University sociologist Paula England, Ph D, conducted an online survey in which she compiled data from more than 20,000 students at 21 colleges and universities throughout the United States.
Her data showed that 61 percent of men hoped a hookup would turn into something more and 68 percent of women hoped for more — almost the same!
When I asked my friend Alix, 22, also a recent Harvard grad, what the biggest struggle of college dating was for her, she didn't hesitate before saying: "I am terrified of getting emotionally overinvested when I'm seeing a guy.
I'm scared of being totally honest." I've felt this way too.I could've told Nate that I thought we had a plan..I was hurt when he ditched me..I was annoyed when he decided to pull away after wrongly assuming I'd wanted to make him my boyfriend. Instead, we ignored each other, knowing that whoever cares less wins.As my guy friend Parker, 22, explains, "I think people in college are embarrassed to want to be in a relationship, as though wanting commitment makes them some regressive '50s Stepford person.And when someone does want a relationship, they downplay it.This leads to awkward, sub-text-laden conversations, of which I've been on both sides."The great irony is that no one seems to enjoy playing the whoever-cares-less-wins game.No., Michael Kimmel, Ph D, explores the world of young men between adolescence and adulthood, including the college years.