Are we now so dependent on apps and online dating, and just how do you navigate the app-happy dating pool of today? I used to, and I think at times I might even have enjoyed it. S from Tinder is smiley and chatty with faultless social skills. Wine with M from Lovestruck – the first date I’ve really enjoyed, and the first woman I found attractive just by looking at her photo.
The theory goes that when you’re learning a skill – whether it’s ninjutsu or 21st century mating rituals – you’ll make greater progress if you practise intensively. After 30 minutes on Tinder – the app that lets people hook up with the swipe of a finger – frantically registering my interest with no regard for acne, bodyweight or bad teeth, I’m rewarded with several matches. “If you want to appear confident, be armed with something to open with. Talk about the weather if you have to.” K from Tinder is a nice, slightly chubby nanny. Loads can't) My second nanny of the day, teetotal L, again from Lovestruck.For the next month, I’m going to date as many women as possible. I’m met by E at a Tube station on a freezing Sunday night. She’s from Lovestruck, originally from Riga, and works in Mayfair for an oil company. I suspect she would put out if we met over wine, rather than coffee and cake. Sublime planning means I only have to walk 100m to my next date, B from Lovestruck, who sadly hasn’t walked 100m herself in quite some time. Delightfully dim but, that apart, she’s not my type.Now I’m ready to give it another shot, because I’ve hit upon a theory – one that will exorcise my dating demons and turn me into a great seducer of women. If we’d met on a Friday, who knows what would have happened. I think she enjoyed our chat but it was hard to tell. I produce a biography of Tito from my bag but the coincidence fails to stimulate conversation. Apparently women like someone noticing little details in their outfit. Conversation – or the lack of it – has been playing on my mind.It’s called meta-learning and, while it sounds like -style pick-up artistry, it’s far less arch. Here's 5 grooming tips to grab her attention) Later, I line up dates on the various websites I’ve signed up for. While marvelling at Ok Cupid (seemingly designed for egomaniacs and oversharers) I decide a bland profile is best. Quinn’s advice is to ignore the dating cliché that asking lots of questions will win women over: “Volunteer information about yourself – it encourages people to open up.” I talk about my upbringing and, blow me, it works. I call Sean Brickell, a public speaking coach, and relay the day’s chat to him in the hope of reassurance. “Silences at the start of conversations are image killers,” he tells me.If it works, I’ll be cruising through meet-ups on a kind of irresistible autopilot. My four o’clock, J from Lovestruck, is an attractive career woman in her forties. Arranging dates in a small geographical area is vital if you’re stacking, but timing is a minefield. I dribble out the same chat and by the fourth date, I just want to go home.
But there’s a lot of catching up to do, as I discover when I sign up for a dozen sites, apps and singles nights. A couple of hours beforehand I have a pep talk with dating expert Hayley Quinn, who warns me that coffee dates often seem like job interviews. Not a single one of my marathon dates contacts me for a second meet-up. I head to a Mayfair nightclub for speed dating (originaldating.com), counting each four-minute contact as 0.25 of a date.But if you really look at a player, you’ll see someone who has gotten hurt in the past.They flew too close to the sun (meaning they loved a girl once that burned them) and instead of loving again, they closed their feelings down and settled for the physical pleasures of a relationship, but firmly closing the down on the emotional pleasure.Good looks, money and a bevy of babes at their beck and call.Why settle down when you have hot chicks all over you?Bird Lady: The man I loved fell out of love with me. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. Kevin: No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do. If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it’ll be like my rollerblades. I found out that he never got married, and never had kids and regretted it.